How to Junk Food: Norway Edition

Why did I even get a gym membership, you ask? Won’t I be walking everywhere and abstaining from my unhealthy American lifestyle? No. I AM HUNTING DOWN EVERY NORWEGIAN JUNK FOOD DELICACY AND EATING THE SHIT OUT OF IT. These are my discoveries (some I’ve eaten, some I will perhaps eat in the future).

I already told you about the hotdogs (yes, from the convenience store), but here’s a lovely picture collage put together by the lovely Emily–which can be seen as part of its original post on her awesome Norway BlogIMG_0289.JPG.

What I didn’t explain about the convenience store food is the ice cream. In Tyler’s hand, please note the towering strudle-dipped cone dipped (which is so good you’ll want to cry) and it only cost him 29 kroner (that’s about $3). Take that, DQ.

I’m sorry…I didn’t meant that DQ; I’ll visit you as soon as I get home. Don’t mind the pizza in his other hand. He said it disappointed him greatly. We aren’t talking about it.

 

We also found a couple of odd snack food mashups that (perhaps) we’ll come around to trying. First, I think we have these in the US, but I personally have never seen this genius name:

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Brownie and cookie made a baby

This next mashup, I’ve never seen in the US, but now that I’ve seen it here, I’m really wondering where our heads are at. From what I can tell, these are chocolate-covered Bugles. Get in the game, America. We need you.

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This I’m pretty sure we have these too ( I think they’re just pork rinds) but doesn’t this name really sell it?

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Bacon Smak Snacks. Like you’re going to be smacked in the face with a bacon snack. Doesn’t that sound great? I stared at this bag for a good long while, trying to convince myself that it was NOT pork rinds–and maybe the bacony contents of this bag would change my life. I think I made the right decision to pass it up, but sometimes this bag visits me in my dreams. Bacon smack. Snack.

Remember how I told you that there are several food products here sold in toothpaste tubes. On recommendation, I bought one. It’s bacon cheese. I’ve only learned (and remembered) two words in Norwegian: Takk (Thank you) and Ost (cheese). When I saw that tube of BaconOst, I knew it had to come home. IF ONLY I’D BEEN BRAVE ENOUGH TO BUY THE BACON SMACK SNACK AND PUT THE BACONOST ON IT. Instead, I held it near my face (lovingly) then Emily put it on some toast and we ate it.

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It tasted more like ham and cheese, but that’s not to say it wasn’t delicious. It was kind of like a ham sandwich in a tube. Efficient. Good picnic food. The rest of the tube is in my fridge, waiting for a dry warmish day. I’m going to take that guy out on a romantic picnic date.

I also bought some Norwegian Rolos. They are tastier than real Rolos, but not better than Reasons. We all bought marzipan candy too. Mine is…gone so I can’t take a picture to show you. If you’ve never had marzipan, go out now and find some. At home when I get a craving, I like to buy the Ritter Sport marzipan chocolate bar (it’s the one in the red package). Marzipan is almond paste, so maybe don’t go out any get it if you have a nut allergy.

I haven’t seen Swedish fish since I’ve been here, which is surprising since we’re close enough to take a day trip to Sweden. I blame Norway’s deep hatred of Sweden for Norway’s severe lack of those delightful read gummies. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. You don’t know what you’re missing, Norway.

There’s plenty of real fish though. Or tube fish. Or fish log, like this:

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Fifty-four percent fish. That’s a good deal. I’m guessing that it’s like polenta? But it says pudding. That kind of freaks me out. If…seven Norwegians tell me WITHOUT BEING PROMPTED that this is a delicious food item, I will buy it and eat it. On a sandwich, I guess. In the mean time, I’m going to stick to these fish:

Though I’m a little upset about the joke on the packaging. Maybe it’s time to give up the Norwegian junk food and eat some vegetables instead.

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