Go big

As an American, I see it as my duty to take Norwegian food to the next level. Meaning, turn it into an abomination. Let’s start with carbs. Norwegians seem a little more conservative with carbs. For instance, open-faced “half-sandwiches” are a popular lunch item. Groceries sell these sandwich rounds as well as large seedy crackers in abundance. (Note the picture on the package here–this is how the Norwegians do it.)

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I’m sure using half the bread is a lot healthier, but unless it’s covered in gravy, an open-faced sandwich is nothing more than a half-assed real sandwich, and I refuse to participate in such nonsense. Two of these buns equals one sandwich and that’s that. I’ve got plans to make a grilled cheese out of these–with bacon and avocado. Because that’s how an American eats bread.

Potato Salad. Americas eat it as a side dish because it’s delicious and a heaping scoop nestled between a hotdog and a hamburger is barely enough as it is. Norwegians, however, look at you funny if you’re shoveling forkfuls of potato salad into your face. Potato salad, along with shrimp salad, beet salad, carrot salad, egg salad (all mayo-based), are eaten as condiments. Like on a cracker or a sandwich or a hotdog, as pictured here:

 

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Photo Credit: Emily Cherry

I’m not saying this isn’t a brilliant idea–it is. But I personally would ALSO want a side of potato salad with this meal. Or maybe like shrimp salad on the hot dog and potato salad on the side. And some beet salad as an appetizer…

I’m not totally sure what Norwegians usually make for dinner. A few nights ago I made fried potatoes and hot dogs. I mean, I threw some kale in there too so I wouldn’t feel terrible about myself. Every American knows that you can eat shitty food as long as you eat something green along with it. And kale is the mother of all green.

We did have traditional Norwegian waffles at ACN on Wednesday. You can eat them with butter or jam or sour cream or brown cheese. Or you can do it AMERICAN STYLE and load your waffle with everything. That’s what I did. AND I ATE THREE OF THEM LIKE THAT. I have no regrets, but I did have to answer for that decision. Let’s just say there was a very quick walk home and a very long nap.

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Today I had a more moderate lunch, but probably still an abomination in the eyes of any Norwegian. I made a lefse sandwich wrap with mustard, brown cheese, ham, and (of course) chopped kale. It was tasty!

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Not all meals are so healthy. I’m still getting over my excitement about Norwegian candy. It’s mostly the same as what we have, but SO NOVEL AND SO DIFFERENT. Today the seduction was dark chocolate gooey mint-filled frogs. One of these days I will buy groceries and I will not buy candy. One of these days…

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I’m sure most Norwegians would be horrified by how I’ve chosen to sustain myself while living in their country, but I’m embracing my heritage. Go big or go home.

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