I’m typing with all 10 digits

I did it. I bought bread. Used the scary bread slicer and everything. No fingers lost. No embarrassment had. But most importantly–now I have bread for making GRILLED SANDWICHES. Oh, the sandwiches this kitchen has seen.

One of my besties preceded me in this position at ACN about four (?) years ago. After she read my post about being afraid to buy bread, she immediately texted, “NORWEGIAN BREAD IS DELICIOUS!” I guess that’s all the push I needed. As you may recall, my bread reticence stemmed from the very strange practice of needing to slice one’s own bread in a terrifying bread slicer prior to purchase. These are said bread slicers:

Don’t they look…mean? All large and industrial. And what’s with the red emergency button? And the sign with the lady sticking her hand in? Why would anybody do that!?

So, here’s how it works. First, you need to decide what delectable loaf you’ll be taking home. This isn’t easy as there are a lot of choices and they all feel crusty and squishy, which is exactly how I like my bread. Yes, I groped them all.

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I picked the unassuming one in the middle, next to the very bossy looking MOSSE BRØD. You take the bread out of its package (which is open at one end) and put it in the dome area with the handle. There’s a row of terrifying blades inside–don’t touch those. Once you close the lid, the slicer starts automatically. The whole thing whirrs and shakes and in a few seconds, the loaf materializes out the bottom–perfectly sliced! Industrial is industrious and I like it.

See the silver tray sticking up in front of the machine? That’s where you place your bread so you can bag it. Since the original packaging is open, you have to put the sliced bread in an additional bag so it stays fresh. This is the tricky part. You can’t get complacent here or you’ll see half your loaf on the floor. If/When you get your loaf onto the silver tray, you slide the bag over and VOILA! Bread is bagged. Put it back in the original bag and continue shopping. EASY PAEASY.

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I also bought three kinds of cheese and an avocado because when you grill a sandwich you gotta DO IT RIGHT.

Yes–that last one has bacon in it. It’s a pretty trashy cheese and I love it. I’ve learned to just buy anything that says “med bacon” (with bacon) because it’s going to be delicious. The first sandwich I made was three cheese, basted egg, and avocado. Dreamy.

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Yes–I’m available for parties. 

My dearest bestie did not lie to me–this bread is so spectacularly delicious. It’s PERFECT for sandwich making. It’s perfect toasted. It’s perfect untoasted. IT’S PERFECT…and sending me to the gym for extra cardio. Totally worth it. 

I made another sandwich tonight that tops the previous one because–and only because–I included actual bacon instead of bacon cheese. Here’s the montage:

I’m not sure why, but there’s something very zen about constructing a grilled sandwich. I’m in the kitchen, grilling sandwiches, and I feel more myself and a little closer to home. I wish my all lovies were here because feeding myself isn’t nearly as satisfying as feeding my friends, but at least ya’ll can rest assured that my skills aren’t getting rusty.

Alright–that’s enough food porn for today. Go take a cold shower and eat a salad.

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