“Henge” means hanging stone. There are lots of “henges” but none as awesome as STONEHENGE. Why, you ask? Because Stonehenge is the only henge CREATED BY ALIENS. It’s uncertain why aliens left us Stonehenge, but many psychics and other reliable sources have suggested that the stones are imbued with a communicative energy that our alien overlords use to keep tabs on us. I’m telling you, aliens really know what’s up when it comes to form meeting function. Tell me humans have created a more beautiful form of communication. You can’t!

(There’s Matt for relative size. STONEHENGE IS A LOT SMALLER THAN I IMAGINED. Still majestic though–highly recommend)

Stonehenge was built about 5,000 years ago, meaning it was constructed about 450 years before the Pyramids in Egypt (also a gift from aliens, for those of you keeping tabs). Deborah told us a neat story about an English guy who went out to buy curtains and came home with Stonehenge. I don’t remember the details because all I kept thinking about was how pissed I’d be if I were his wife. I guess he wanted the henge to be owned by proper English folk. He was probably a lizard person.

BUT–my favorite thing about Stonehenge is the fact that Uther Pendragon is said to be buried there. UTHER PENDRAGON. I walked on the bones of Uther Pengragon when I visited an ancient stone structure left to us by aliens. This is probably the coolest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I took some selfies to commemorate the occasion.

You have to look serious when you take selfies at Stonehenge because aliens are touchy about people not taking their work seriously. Not just hedges though, it’s the same with pyramids. I grinned like an idiot when I visited Chichen Itza AND BOY DID I PAY FOR THAT. No joke–went straight to the emergency room and got a huge shot in my ass. But that’s another story.

There’s this other stone that was there, kind of ostracized from the rest. I felt kind of bad for him. I think he’s a subtle reminder that in the end, we all take the journey of death alone.




See how serious he looks though? He knows.

Then I bought some fridge magnets from the gift shop and ate a giant pastry called a “rock cake” which was basically a dry scone. I’ll tell you all about it in my JUNK FOOD: LONDON EDITION post, which is coming soon. But seriously–if you can get to this magical place, don’t pass up the chance. It’s pretty fucking cool.


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