How to Junk Food: London Edition

Before I tell you about my last day of adventuring in London, I’d like talk about junk food. As you may know, I am basically an infant–I take a lot of naps, I cry when I’m upset, and I explore the world through my mouth. Namely: JUNK FOOD.

The first thing I explored in London was this sausage roll. Matt and I split it before dinner at The George, the pub where we ate on our first night in town. The sausage is locally sourced and linked (is that how you talk about sausage?) I’m guessing the dough was homemade. I’d never had a sausage roll before but it was love at first bite. The dough was kind of heavy, not light like bread but thick like pound cake. Not sweet though. And the sausage had great flavor.

(I’m just realizing that this picture sucks. I was probably so excited to take a bite that I didn’t take the extra TWO SECONDS to focus the picture.)

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I had another sausage roll the day we left. I bought two pasties for Matt and I for breakfast and a sausage roll for later. REMEMBER, GUYS–you always need a sausage roll for later. Both were a revelation. The pasty had a flaky, buttery crust, tasty meat, and onions and potatoes tucked in there like sleeping children. And the sausage roll was TASY SAUSAGE INSIDE A FLAKY PASTRY CRUST. You can’t lose with that. This place was in the train station. Not too shabby for “travel food.”

In terms of sweets–the best pastry I had was this giant raspberry macaroon from Paul’s, just outside St. Paul’s Cathedral. You may recall that this is the place where I got that PHENOMENAL hot chocolate. If you’re in London, stop at this place. The best part is that it’s a French bakery, so I didn’t actually order a RASPBERRY macaroon; I ordered a FRAMBOISE macaroon which is so much better. The middle of this macaroon was SO SOFT AND GOOEY. It was like eating a solid pastry made out of jam, if you can imagine that experience. It wasn’t too sweet, and it had just the right amount of raspberry tang. I regretting not ordering chocolate until I took a bite. I LIKED IT BETTER THAN CHOCOLATE. 

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In terms of pastry experiences, I also had this scone. It was very pretty in the jar but ended up being kind of dry and crumbly. It was more of a biscuit, really. I put a ton of butter on it, but it was still bland. (SORRY–NOT BUTTER CLOTTED CREAM…which tasted just like butter.) It probably would have tasted better if I’d put the jam on it too, BUT LOOK HOW CUTE THIS TINY JAM JAR IS. There was no way I could eat something so cute.

I mentioned in my last post that I got a rock cake at Stonehenge, and it was pretty tasty. Deborah says a rock cake is basically a scone made with a lot more butter. It tasted more like a scone than the biscuit scone did, and it was tasty without any clotted cream or jam. But it also had CHOCOLATE in it. It’s hard to screw up chocolate. If you have the chance to taste rock cake, go for it. But I wouldn’t buy one again.

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It feels sort of like cheating to say that the macaroon was the best pastry I had because it’s wasn’t from an English bakery and it’s not really an “English” specialty. BUT I’M NOT SORRY THE FRENCH KICK ASS AT BAKERY ITEMS. The English, you have no grounds to be jealous, you make delicious sausage rolls.

ON TO CANDY. At the Hardy’s Candy Shop at Windsor Castle, I bought a few English candy treats: nougat, candy berries, and clotted cream toffee. The toffee I’m saving to share with loved ones, so I’ll have to report on that later. The candy berries were like the one’s I’ve had at home, but they were much bigger. BIGGER IS BETTER. The nougat was…tasty but a little too sweet and the texture wasn’t what I expected. This one had lemon and almonds in it, and they were the best part. The nougat itself was a little crumbly. Maybe that’s how nougat is supposed to be and I’ve only had shitty nougat inside a Milky Way that’s been dipped in batter and deep fried at the fair BUT I’M NOT SORRY FOR THAT.

I also bought some “general” junk food that you’d find at the grocery or the gas station. I REALLY FEEL LIKE I ATE MORE JUNK FOOD THAN THIS, but this is what I have for pictures and I can’t remember anything else. Anyway, the Maltesers are pretty much malted milk balls. I’m not going to say better than Whoppers, but different. Whoppers have more of a crunch, but these were fairly soft. The soft texture made it easy to eat them faster than you’d eat Whoppers. DANGEROUS. The Yorkie (which melted a little) was just a solid chocolate bar. I have no idea what I was expecting. I bought it because the name sounded familiar, and I was curious. I realize now that I was probably thinking about Yorkie the dog breed. Good chocolate–better than Heresies but not better than Freia.

Thus ends the junk food narrative. Overall, I wasn’t really blown away with the junk food I discovered, but I’m sure I didn’t discover it all. I’ll just have to go back for further exploration.

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